I’ve had love and relationships on my mind the last few weeks, specifically how to build successful relationships. Let’s take a look at this from the beginning; finding a partner.  

4 THINGS WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN

A true princess is not going to be attracted to a snob or a slob. They are looking for someone who shows them honor and respect, a man who pursues them like a valued jewel, not like a dog in heat. I surveyed several single women and asked them what qualities they want most in a guy. Here are their answers in the order they listed them. Now if you’re already married or in a relationship, I encourage you to keep reading on. I believe that relationships take constant intentionality and these principles can apply in any stage of your relationship:

1) Integrity

Women would like to have a deep relationship with a man who has integrity; someone who shows up in the way they say they will, which means they don’t make promises that they cannot keep. Men, metaphorically speaking, it is vital that you are not “writing checks” physically, emotionally and spiritually without the money in the bank to cash them.

2) Honesty

They need a man who is honest, transparent and vulnerable—first with himself, then with the lady in their life. It is painful when men are dishonest and keep things in the shadows. The fruit of an honest man is that you make the woman you’re pursuing feel emotionally safe.

3) Confidence

Confidence coupled with humility is a beautiful thing, but pride sucks. Women mentioned that they don’t need a man to have it all together, they just need someone who trusts the Lord, doesn’t live in fear and are therefore are able to lead the relationship well. Men, when you pursue a woman’s heart with confidence and a plan to bring strength to the relationship, their confidence grows as well.

4) Self-Sacrifice and Love

Women want a man who is sacrificial and knows how to love in a way that makes them feel valued. Men, women want you to help meet their needs even when it is difficult so they know they’re unconditionally loved throughout all of the circumstances of life.

A MAN WITH A PLAN

I’d like to talk to all the men out there today; it’s important to pursue your love interest with a plan. If you’re not at a place in your life where you’re ready to be married, then do everyone a favor (yourself included) and take a break from dating. I’m not saying you have to know that you’re going to marry every girl you take on a coffee date, but if you’re not serious about finding your life partner then it’s likely you’ll treat dating as something casual, as having fun with a cool chick, and “maybe she’ll end up being the one” attitude. Women are looking for men to be purposeful as you pursue their heart. Being honest with where you stand in your pursuit, even if that means you’re not ready to pursue at all, will set women up to only give of themselves to the degree of the commitment level you’re at. The bottom line is, make sure you know what commitment level you’re ready for, intentionally stay at that level of commitment, and make sure your words and actions line up along the way.

HAVING A MENTOR

Being connected to a role model or mentor is imperative for success in these areas. Inviting someone into your life who you are real and raw with, someone who can crack your heart wide open in all areas is invaluable. Many people hide their weaknesses hoping that no one will ever truly see the “real” them. But hiding your flaws only allows your dysfunctional cycle to continue. It is only when you are real with God, with yourself and with others that you begin to become healthy and find freedom and wholeness in your life. So if you don’t have a mentor, seek one out and begin to open your life to their feedback.

What kind of attributes do you look for in a partner? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!

Originally published on krisvallotton.com.