I often get funny looks when I tell people that my wife and I chose to honor God by pursuing purity.  “Why would you do that?”  

Before I explain why many people would have certain presuppositions about me in that regard, let me provide you with a bit of context. I was once an adult male performer. I was in over 1,000 movies and even won best male performer in 2012.  So why would a pornstar and his soon- to-be wife choose to be celibate until marriage given his far from pure history?  It is actually pretty simple. You can decide to start walking in purity today regardless of your past. For us, it was never about not having sex. It was about devoting every aspect of our  life to God.  

I believe that remaining a virgin until marriage is possible.

It is God’s desire for all people. God’s boundaries protect us from hurts, abuse, addiction, and many complicated things that come with having sex before marriage. With that said, staying sexually pure does not guarantee intimacy with God or anything else. Purity culture is often hypocritical and one sided. It condemns women for not dressing modestly enough while pornography is consumed by Christian men at an astronomical rate, and generally reeking of legalism. We cannot earn God’s love. God is not impressed with theological eloquence, your digital Bible reading streak, or if you are a virgin or not. God loves you because you are His creation. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you so that you through faith can experience eternal life.

Sexual purity is for your benefit, not God’s.

God is a good Father. Being a father myself, I often prevent my children from hurting themselves. My wife and I have three young sons and our middle child, Lincoln, likes to help me cook dinner, but often I have to tell him “don’t touch that, it’s hot!” I tell him that because I love him, I know more than him, and I don’t want him to get hurt. God sets boundaries for us that are communicated clearly in His word, which I believe to be infallible, and if His word is not misleading I believe that He wants to guide us away from making decisions that would hurt us.

So, with that said, what if you are like me? What if you have blown it?

What if you think due to the things you have done your purity ship has sailed. I want you to know that 2 Corinthians 5:17 is real, your old self is dead, and you are a new creation in Christ. What if you have fallen into temptation once or many times since becoming a Christian? After giving my life to Christ, I have failed many times. We all fall short every day.  

I would like to share with you a few powerful truths. You cannot allow your sin to define your future, you cannot define your relationship with God according to your behavior, and you must not believe that your sin is not a big deal or that you have it under control. Repentance is critical, 1 John 1:9 says, ”If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us”. It is much bigger than saying, God, I am so sorry I blew it again. It’s taking ownership of what you did of your own volition, changing the posture of your heart toward God, and moving away from yourself.  

Purity in God’s eyes is not something you lose, it’s a daily choice to walk in obedience according to His plan and purposes for your life.

With that said if you are single, soon to be married, you’ve been married for a while or even if you’ve lived most of your life in rebellion against God- purity is something attainable to you. God calls us to be pure. God calls us to be set apart and holy. As followers of Christ we must not put on a show and try to fake it until we make it. We must call out to God and ask God as David did in Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Some translations say, “create a steadfast heart.”  This is important because when we have impurity in our hearts it robs us of our vision, our peace, and sometimes it impacts our calling. It robs us of our destiny and spiritual authority because our perception of who we are and who God is becomes distorted. The beauty of the Gospel is that our sin is no match for the love and grace of God. So even if you were the worst of sinners like me and you have made the same mistake more than once, you can choose to live a life of purity today. God is calling you to live a life set apart and holy. It does not  matter what you have done, but with the power of the Holy Spirit, you can choose today to start living a life dedicated to God and walking in purity.

Practical Step For Life Change:

1. Honesty and Confession to God. Repentance requires humility. God doesn’t want your perfection He wants your heart.

2. Take inventory of your life. What needs to be removed? What is leading you in a direction that you don't want to go?

3. Set some boundaries and stick to them. If you do not want to eat cookies don’t have them in the house. Make it more difficult for you to do the thing you do not want to do.

4. Read God’s word and apply it to your life. It is not good advice, it is God’s revelation of Himself so that you can appropriate yourself in this world in such a way that your life has the greatest fulfillment and impact.

5. Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable. Purity is not a status. It is a daily decision. With a community of people, you can be open, honest, and transparent with you stand a much better chance of living the life that honors God.

Want to learn more about Joshua's story? Keep an eye out for his podcast, Counterfeit Culture , head to his website, and give him a follow on instagram!